There has never been a better time to be forced to sit at home with nothing to do but eat and watch TV. From Thursday at 11am until Sunday at 11pm, there is nonstop basketball and nonstop betting. Get a vasectomy, get that nose or mouth surgery, quit your job, maybe even break up with your girlfriend. I’d go as far to say you should make up a distant family member dying as grounds for missing work or school. Whatever you choose, make sure it gives you an excuse to not move from your couch for 12 hours.
There is literally not a better 5 day stretch of sports in history and literally everyone from your grandma to your mom has some sort of stake in this tournament. Tournament pools are the only form of gambling that is acceptable for 12 year olds to take part in. This week is a free pass to talk shit to family and friends and you won’t be able to go anywhere without seeing a game on. March Madness is as much of a social event to get wasted and cheer for some irrelevant school to beat Duke as much as it is an outlet for us degenerate gamblers to be glued to a TV for the next week.
This is the two week basketball Nirvana that we need after the conclusion of the football season (sorry AAF, can only take so much Hackenberg) and before the start of the NBA playoffs. Literally anything can happen during these games. These kids are 19 and 20 year old college kids so literally anything can happen in these games. UVA’s point guard having girlfriend troubles? Watch him go 2-12 from the field. Ja Morant feeling the pressure from NBA scouts? 1-10, 4 turnovers. Absolutely nothing is certain in any of these games and all you can do is root for chaos. LSU and Yale, two schools that couldn’t be more different, playing in the first round; the matchups this tournament churns out are unbelievable and so far fetched and make everything a crapshoot. Sit back, throw a little bet on a 12 seed and tune everything else in the world out. Nothing matters these next few days besides watching organized madness. Just don’t be that dickhead that brags about his perfect bracket after Thursday. Or don’t be that dickhead that doesn’t want to see Duke-UNC part 4.